


With my eyes wide open, I cry out louder

by charons_boat



Series: The Oh-So-Abductable Jung Wooseok [1]
Category: Pentagon (Korea Band)
Genre: College, Daycare, Jung Wooseok-centric, Past Mpreg, Pentagon Ensemble - Freeform, suspected alien abduction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-22
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:34:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24863911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charons_boat/pseuds/charons_boat
Summary: He'd made it back to his friends, but Wooseok couldn't help but feel that something was missing.
Relationships: Jo Jinho | Jino & Jung Wooseok
Series: The Oh-So-Abductable Jung Wooseok [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1877245
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	1. Don't go away, don't leave

**Author's Note:**

  * For [lemon_jelly](https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemon_jelly/gifts).



> my first ptg fic involving aliens feels very in brand. i apologize for nothing. tell me what you think pls,, i hope you enjoy el!!
> 
> (work title from basquiat, its gonna be great)

The sky is like a navy blanket across my vision when I open my eyes, and the stars strewn across it sparkle and twinkle like glitter under shifting lights. I can't see the moon, so I think that maybe it's a new moon. As I watch, the sky begins to lighten, and I realize that dawn is fast approaching. I lie among the tall grass and stare at the sky, feeling empty of all thoughts and emotions. It feels, strangely, like it's been a long time since I saw the sunrise, so I sit up and watch the sky fill with pinks and purples. Clouds swell at the horizon and a slight wind blows, and I realize that I can feel it against my arms and chest. I can feel the grass against my skin. I don't understand why until I look down.

For whatever reason, I'm naked. No matter how hard I try, I cannot remember what I was doing before I woke up here, nor where I'd been. I continue to stare at myself, confused and beginning to panic, and I realize what looks strange. There's a thick, dark scar at the bottom of my stomach. I don't know where it came from, and as the clouds race towards me my eyes begin to fill with tears. I pull my gaze away from the mysterious scar and look up when the first raindrop hits my feet. I begin to cry when I realize my hair is white. It's much longer than it was the last time I remember seeing it, back when it was a faded pink. The strands don't feel bleached or dyed when I tangle my fingers in my hair, and I screw my eyes shut. Suddenly, everything feels like too much.

The rain stings my skin as it falls fast and hard, driven by a cold wind, and again I struggle to recall where I'd been the day before, the week before, anything more recent than my vague memory of wandering a field of flowers. It won't work; I can't remember a single thing beyond that afternoon. Fear and hopelessness set in, because I don't know where I am and I'm cold and I have the strangest feeling that it's been a long time since I last saw any of my friends, and all my tangled emotions come out as a strangled wail. Once I start, I can't seem to stop. I just scream and wail and sob my broken heart out. The storm rages around me, and I sit forgotten and insignificant in the middle of it. The world doesn't care for one boy, and it would never bother to pause just for a single person.

And then, there are hands on my shoulders. My eyes fly open as I scream, and I try to push the person away. It takes too long for me to recognize Hongseok, and when I do I start crying anew. He looks surprised, and I throw my arms around his neck and sob. He awkwardly pats my back, and his calloused hand grounds me even among the raging storm. He pulls me to my feet, and I stumble. My legs feel boneless, and I'm glad that Hongseok is strong enough to catch me without falling over himself.

"Where've you been," he shouts over the storm. I cry harder and shake my head. His breath is warm against my face as he sighs. "Can you walk on your own?" I shake my head again and try to wrap him up in another hug, but he stops me. "Give me a second!" I can't see what he's doing because my vision is too blurred, but after a moment he presses something into my hands. I realize that he must've taken off his jeans when he shouts, "Put them on and I'll give you a piggyback ride!" I nod and slide the wet, nearly soaked pants over my legs one at a time. It makes me feel even colder, but Hongseok quickly turns around and helps me onto his back. He feels warm and safe, and soon he's walking in a different direction. I keep crying, though it's no longer quite so hard as it was, and I try to focus on my happiness over the fact that someone had found me.

Hongseok doesn't have much trouble carrying me despite the fact that I'm four inches taller than him and weigh more than he does. I still have no clue where we are because the rain obscures everything, but Hongseok keeps walking. His assurance and strength in all of this helps to calm me down. It's the small cabin that finally explains where we are, and I'm stunned to realize that I was in the same field from my last memory. He opens the door with only a little difficulty, and everyone is staring at the door when he walks in. Yuto jolts to his feet in surprise, and he shakes Shinwon awake as Hongseok walks forward and sets me on one of the bar stools. He stays near me as they begin to gather around with relief and worry on their faces. Yuto steps forward first, and his hand shakes as he reaches out to hesitantly place a hand on my cheek.

"Wooseok?" His voice cracks, and he sounds unsure, like he's afraid that I'm not really me. I'm not sure I am either. I sniffle and try to stop myself from crying, but I can't help it when he steps forward and gathers me up in a tight hug. I cry like a baby as everyone joins in on the hug, and suddenly I'm in a kind of cocoon of warmth and safety. It's been too long, I can already tell.

"Where've you been," Changgu asks quietly. I wipe my nose and eyes, and I try desperately to stop crying as I shake my head.

"Don't- I don't _know_! I can't remember anything! I just-- I woke up, and I was naked and my hair was white and I couldn't remember a single thing beyond wandering the field, and-- I just don't know!" I swallow thickly and force myself not to cry. I've already done it enough today. A thought dawns on me. "How did you find me?"

"This was the last place you were known to be. You told Hyunggu that you were going to come out here for the weekend, and you never came back. We just hoped that if you did come back, this would be where you'd show up. We've been out here everyday for almost a year," Hongseok explains. I furrow my brows as I try to think.

"It doesn't feel like it's been that long," I whisper. I trace absentmindedly over the scar on my stomach, and a pang of loss runs through me; it's strong enough that I nearly cry again. The most I can get away with is a frown. "Something's wrong-- or, missing." I look down and wrap my arms around myself. A sound too soft to make out echoes in my mind and I sniffle again.

"Don't cry, Wooseok," someone pleads. A soft hand drops onto my shoulder, and I lean into the gentle hug: it must be Yanan, then. "What do you want to do? Do you want a shower?" I nod and keep my eyes down. "By yourself?" That question panics me and I raise my head maybe too quickly, shaking it frantically.

"Not alone," I plead. "Please!" Yanan nods and rubs his hand across my back.

"We won't leave you alone, okay?" I nod gratefully, and he gives me a soft smile. "Who do you want to help you?" I dig my fingers into my hips as I think. I glance around the room before settling my gaze on Jinho. He looks surprised.

"Jinho." It comes out as a whimper. He nods, and I can tell he's uncomfortable. I bite my lip before saying, "You don't have to if you don't want to, just-"

"No, it's okay, Wooseokie. Don't worry about it." He walks closer and gives me the gentlest hug of the day.

"I-- I don't really wanna shower," I murmur. He quirks a brow at me and I look away. "I want a bath. I think. I don't-- I don't know."

"It's okay. We can use the separate showerhead," he suggests. I nod slowly, and he takes my hands away from my hips. I hold onto them like a lifeline and I carefully stand up. My legs aren't as shaky now, so I don't need much help as he leads me to the bathroom in the small cabin. "Do you want a bath and the separate showerhead, or should I turn the main one towards the wall so we just use the separate one while you sit in the tub?" He turns the faucet on and begins to adjust the temperature.

"Not a bath," I finally decide. "I feel… dirty. I don't wanna sit in dirty water." He nods and reaches up to turn the showerhead away, but he's too short to reach from outside the tub. I reach over him and turn it away carefully, and he thanks me quietly while he checks the water again.

"Is this too hot," he asks. When I put my hand under the water, it feels almost too hot against my cold skin. I shake my head and he smiles. "You can get in, then." Hongseok's wet jeans fall to the floor in a heavy pile, and I carefully climb into the new tub. It had been replaced a few years ago, but the rest of the building was still nearly the same as the first day it'd been built when my great-grandpa was a kid. Jinho takes the separate showerhead out of its holder and presses the button with it facing the wall to test that it works. When he's satisfied with it, he begins to spray my hair down. The cold water runs out of my hair, and I can feel goosebumps popping up along my arms and legs. He runs the water all over my skin, warming me up before he starts to pull things from the cabinet under the sink.

"I'm sorry, Jinho," I whisper. He sighs and shakes his head.

"It's okay, Wooseok. I know you need help right now, no matter what you went through. I'm happy to help you," he says.

"Don't you feel uncomfortable?" He hums and nods.

"A little bit, but that's because I've never helped someone take a shower. I'm mostly just guessing right now," he tells me. He lines up the bottles along the outside of the tub and grabs a rag before turning back to me. "Hair or body first?" I shrug, and he laughs. "I guess we'll go top to bottom then." I smile and nod, though I can't quite bring myself to laugh. He gently rubs shampoo into my hair, and I zone out as he hums. I can hear murmuring outside the bathroom door, and I wonder what they're talking about. I don't know that I want to understand the words, but I try to concentrate and figure out what they're saying.

"…mom has one too." The voice is deep, and I'm sure that it's Yuto.

"What is it then?" I figured that might be Hwitaek. There was a moment of silence, and I could almost see Yuto hesitating.

"It's from when I was born." I almost couldn't hear him because he said it so quietly. "She told me that I was a C-section."

"But Wooseok isn't--"

"I don't know, Hwi. It just- that's what it seems like to me."

Jinho had already begun to put conditioner in my hair. It's cool like the rain outside, and the thought made me realize that the storm had calmed down significantly.

"Are we sure he didn't have it before?"

"As far as I know, he's never had surgery. We've swum in the pool with him, and it's high enough that swim shorts wouldn't cover it up. Look, maybe we should google it or something. That might help." After that, there's a murmur of agreement from Hwitaek, and Jinho tilts my head back and uses the separate showerhead to rinse the conditioner out of my hair. The two outside don't say anything again, but they don't have to. There's already a baby crying in my memories, lost to my own recollection. I start crying, and Jinho gasps quietly. The water patters against the shower wall and he turns my face towards him. I open my eyes and just stare at him.

"Wooseok, what's wrong? Why are you crying again?"

"I heard Yuto and Hwitaek, and I remembered something. I've heard a baby crying recently." I hadn't even realized that I had my hand splayed against my stomach until my pinky brushes against the weird texture of the scar.

"What do you mean," he asks softly. His eyes find my hand, and they trace along the scar before understanding seems to fill his face. "How, though?" I shake my head.

"I don't know, but I swear that I--" When my fingers find the stretch marks on my stomach, I look down. They aren't very dark, but the skin dips down slightly as I run my fingers over them. "They took my baby and threw me away." There's anguish in my voice, so much so that my voice breaks multiple times. I begin crying again, and Jinho rubs circles on my back and holds my hand. The door opens and Hwitaek peeks in.

"Wooseok, are you okay," he asks quietly. I cry even harder and shake my head. "What's--"

"I'll explain once he's cleaned up, okay? Can you get him some clothes to wear afterwards, I forgot to do it beforehand," Jinho says. Hwitaek bites his lip but nods and leaves. "It'll be okay, Seokie," he says once Hwitaek is gone. "We'll figure this out, okay?" I nod helplessly and let him begin to wash my back. The rag is soft and Jinho is gentle, and he begins to hum again. It's a lullaby, this time, and I'm calm again when Hwitaek sets a pile of clothes on top of a towel folded up on the counter.

"What will we do," I ask quietly.

"I'm not entirely sure, Seokie. We'll try to figure out who kidnapped you, and we'll try to get your memories back. We might not be able to figure out how you were able to have a baby, but we're gonna try to figure out what happened to it," he says confidently.

"Her," I whisper. "My baby's a girl." Jinho smiles.

"I'll bet she's a beautiful baby," he says gently. I nod after the briefest flash of soft pink skin and a tiny fist.

"She is," I tell him. He smiles and continues humming. The rest of the shower passes quickly while I listen to Jinho hum and try to recall more than I already have. Because I can't, I replay the brief memory of her as much as I can. I just close my eyes and look at her soft skin, marvel at how small her hand looks, wonder what I named her.

Jinho has to almost shake me out of my own head once the shower ends. He lets me dry myself off while he ruffles my hair up in a smaller towel. He mumbles under his breath, but I don't pay it any attention. I just pull on the clothes Hwitaek had brought for me and let Jinho blow-dry my hair. Most of the time, I'd let it air dry so that it wouldn't get more damaged, but the heat felt nice and I really didn't think that my hair was dyed.

"I wonder why your hair is white," Jinho says aloud. I shrug and scratch above my elbow, keeping my eyes closed while he uses the little hairdryer. "It's really long, though. It looks nice, and feels really soft."

"I did just take a shower," I remind him. He laughs and continues running his fingers through my hair as it gets more and more dry. "With a lot of help." I take a moment to swallow before continuing. "Thanks for helping, Jinho. You didn't have to."

"I wouldn't force you to try and clean up by yourself. You've been through a lot, and it'd be cruel to force you to be alone." I blame the tears welling up in my eyes on the hairdryer, and when he finally turns it off and sets it down I wrap him up in a tight hug. He returns it, and I can feel myself relaxing as the oldest and smallest of our friend group lets me hug him. It's been too long since I'd hugged any of them. "Are you ready to go talk with the others now?" I pull back from the hug and cross my arms because I don't know what to do with them. My hair is warm against my face, and it's long enough that it covers my eyes.

"I think so. And, even if I weren't, it's been so long that I don't really care whether I'm ready or not. I just-- I wanna see everyone again," I tell Jinho quietly. He nods and smiles softly, holding a hand out. I take it and wonder how small Jaehwa's hand would be in mine. When the thought actually processes, I stumble and bite my lip to hold back tears. Jinho glances back, but I wave him off with my hand and we keep walking.

Everyone is already waiting in the main room, which serves as both a living room and dining room, when we walk in. The TV is quickly turned off, though I would've enjoyed watching the old Sonic reruns that had been playing. Everyone stares, and Jinho releases my hand when Yuto opens his arms. I walk over and sit in between his legs, glad that the cushions of the couch are wider than most because it means that both of us can comfortably sit on the couch. Yuto tucks some of my hair behind my ears for me, and I feel kind of vulnerable without my hair hiding my eyes. Hwitaek leans forward, and I notice that his hair is black again: it had been a dark blue a year ago, so I assume that he must have left it alone once it grew back out.

"Wooseok, do you think you can tell us what you remember? If you can't, it's okay. We just want to help," he tells me. I nod and lean back into Yuto some more; he takes my weight without complaining, and I'm thankful for that as I try to remember more so that there'll actually be something to tell them.

"I remember walking around the field outside. It was a hot day, and that night felt really nice. The flowers were really pretty." The thought brings a brief smile to my lips before it falters. "There was a light. It was really bright, and I couldn't see anything because of it. And then I woke up staring up at the sky, and it was dark and the stars were so pretty, but… I couldn't remember anything. Since coming back here, I've only remembered a little bit more, and only after hearing Hwi and Yuto talking." Some of the others look confused, and Hwitaek and Yuto both look surprised. "Yuto, let me up for a second," I whisper. He nods and takes his arms away from my waist so I can stand up. Everyone watches as I walk away and turn to face them, making sure everyone can see me. Jinho sees the way my hands are clenched in the edge of my black tee, and he moves to stand up until I stop him with a quelling gesture.

"Wooseok, you don't have to," he says quietly. I smile weakly at him and shake my head.

"It's okay. You guys are my friends, and I trust you with my life and more." Jinho wipes away a stray tear, and I suppose it's because I've never really said that. I quickly take off the shirt and lay it across the coffee table in front of me before straightening up. The grey sweatpants are low on my hips, and the scar is easily visible. "I didn't have this scar before, and I've got stretch marks on my stomach, too, now. Hwi and Yuto talked about the scar, and Yuto said his mom has one like it. He-- it-- I think the scar is from having a baby." My voice is quiet, and the room is even quieter afterwards. I can feel myself starting to cry again, but I wipe my eyes and sniffle before looking at the ceiling and continuing. "I don't know how I would've gotten-- I don't know, but I have a few more memories. One of a baby crying, one brief flash of a baby with a tiny little fist, and a name. I... this sounds stupid, and illogical, and _crazy_ , but I know I have a daughter. I named her Jaehwa. But, I don't-- I don't know where she is. Whoever… took me away and gave me back this morning took her away and left me behind. I don't know whether it would've been worse to be with her but without you guys, or without her and with you, but-- I just-- I want both. I want my friends _and_ my daughter. I--"

When Yuto opens his arms again, I stumble over and sit down heavily, and I begin to cry again as he wraps his arms around me. Some of the others gather around us and gently run fingers through my hair or over my forearm or leg, and it feels so nice and comforting that I very slowly begin to relax. The days in summer are long, and I have a feeling that it'll take quite a few of them for me to recover from the loss of my daughter.


	2. My heart aches (after you left me)

It's cold. I don't remember coming outside, but my feet are wet from walking through dewy grass and the hems of my sweatpants are damp. I stare at the dark sky, at the sparkling stars, and watch to see if a blank space will move across the night sky. That's something new I'd remembered in the last week: something had moved across the stars and blocked them out before the blinding light blocked out everything else. 

It's almost too cold outside to be shirtless, but I don't pay any attention to that. I just stare at the sky and wait as my fingers drift restlessly over the scar and the stretch marks. I think it's a new habit--playing with the stretch marks and gently pressing my fingers into the slight indentations--but it could've started before my memory was wiped. I wish my memories would return more quickly, but I cherish every new one no matter how slowly or painfully they come. Most of them are about Jaehwa. She was a fairly quiet baby, but she had the prettiest, brightest eyes I'd ever seen on an infant. 

No shadow moves across the sky tonight, but I whisper pleas to the sky anyways. I beg the night sky to give her back to me. 

I haven't told the others, but a lot of the time I find myself wishing they would've just kept me with them, no matter how much I might've missed my friends. 

Time bleeds together, and I spend my nights wandering the field outside. Sometimes, I can't find the energy to plead very loudly, but sometimes emotion crashes over me and threatens to drown me as I scream desperate pleas to the sky. Those are the nights that I wake up the others, the nights when they find me in the field and drag me back to the small cabin and sing songs and cuddle with me until I stop crying and fall asleep. 

Months pass, and I remember nearly everything having to do with my daughter, and very little to do with the people who allowed me to have her. I remember the strange cravings and the feeling over her tiny feet against my stomach, and I remember the feeling of her in my arms. She felt so small and fragile in my arms, and I was always afraid I'd drop her, so I sat down anytime I held her. Her little fingers were always so warm when she grabbed mine, and there was so much innocence and trust in her eyes that I felt the urge to protect her anytime I played back the memory of her eyes; because she's never there, I always settle with pulling whoever's closest into my lap and wrapping them up in the tightest hug I can. They never question it, and I'm thankful for that because I can't really explain it without wanting to cry again. 

They try to insist that we go back to the city and carry on with life, but I can't. I don't want to go back to college. I don't want to go back to my quiet apartment, because I know that I'll spend all my time sitting on my bed and wondering what it would sound like with a baby's cries echoing off the walls, with tiny little feet rushing down halls. I don't want to go back to the band, because I'm sure I'll break one of the drums by accident and have to explain why I hit them so hard. I don't want to answer questions about where I'd been for the past year. I just want to stay here and ignore the rest of the world. 

The others won't let me. They insist that it's better for all of us to try and move on, and I don't bother to explain that I won't be able to. In the time I was gone, my apartment was rented out to someone else, so I move in with Jinho. His last roommate had found a different place to live before summer began, so the second room was empty. In the weeks leading up to the first day back to college, I lay in my bed and stare at the wall until Jinho comes in to tell me that there's food. Sometimes he pulls me into the living room for a movie marathon. I catch up on all the new Marvel movies that I'd missed, and I decide that I like Guardians of the Galaxy the most. I rewatch it three times before I realize that it reminds me of a buried memory. That night, I dream of wandering a futuristic ship with bare feet. I tell Jinho that I think I was abducted by aliens when I wake up, and he accepts it and texts the group chat before moving on. 

The only people who ask where I'd been are the other people in band. I shrug and try to focus on getting back into the rhythm of college band. It's easier than I expect to fall back into the beat, and I leave practice without having broken any of the drums. I never explain to anyone in band that I was abducted by aliens for a year, during which I had a child and was ripped away from her. I just read the music and hit the drums. I'm plenty happy to lose myself to the music. 

I try to study at night, but I always end up staring at the few stars I can see from the balcony. The light pollution in the city blocks most of the stars out, and I find myself longing for the clear skies I'd been forced to leave behind. I do okay in my classes, but I can never focus on them. The hole in my heart won't let me focus on my classes. 

When people walk around the city with babies, I stop them and coo over their children. I ask how old they are, and it's always younger than I think they will be. I realize that Jaehwa must've grown faster or something, because in my memories, she's always so much bigger than the babies around the same age as her. I wonder if it's because of the alien DNA in her. 

When the others ask me to go to parties with them, I refuse. I sit in the living room or on the balcony, and I stare at nothing while I wait for Jinho to come back. He only ever goes to dance and sing to whatever music is playing. He's always stumbling-drunk, and I take care of him and put him to bed because it's one of the only times I ever get to take care of someone. Changgu suggests I get a boyfriend or something if I want to take care of someone so badly, but I can't. Hwitaek suggests going to work in a daycare, and so I do. I like it so much that I change my major. 

Jinho tells me that I'm beginning to smile more, and I always tell him it's because of the kids.


	3. Come back to me

The daycare is always noisy, but I like it. My small house is too quiet at night, and I make up for that by playing back memories of the daycare. I never stopped working there after I graduated, and I really can't imagine myself doing anything else; well, except for bringing Jaehwa to work with me so she can make friends. I feel like she'd be good at making friends. 

I shake the thoughts from my head and bring the snack cart to the kids, handing them each a packet of apples and some juice. They smile widely and thank me, and I feel a dim happiness wash over me. I'm glad that at the very least, I can help these kids learn and have fun. I hope they'll grow up to be good people. 

A door opens, and a young girl walks in. She's about four or five, and she looks familiar in a way I can't place. The other teacher takes the cart from me and lets me walk over to greet her; she's a bit late, but greeting new kids is my favorite part of the job. Most kids are scared of me at first, but this girl just stares at me. Her dark, pretty eyes follow me as I kneel down and smile softly at her. 

"Hello," I say quietly. 

"Hi," she whispers. 

"My name is Jung Wooseok. You can call me Teacher Wooseok, if you'd like." She bites the inside of her cheek, and it dimples inward. 

"Okay," she agrees quietly. "Should I tell you my name?" I nod, and she sighs. "They said you wouldn't recognize me."

"Recognize you? Have I met you before," I ask her. She nods and steps forward. When she pokes my stomach, my smile begins to falter. I stare down at her little hand for a second before looking back up at her. 

"I used to be here. My name is Jung Jaehwa," she says quietly. Tears fill my eyes and my legs go weak. I sit down on the floor and stare at her. It's only been three years, but I remember thinking she must've grown faster than other kids. I guess I was right. 

"J-Jaehwa, can I-- can I hug you, please," I breathe out, still trying not to cry. She smiles and nods, and I reach out and pull her into a tight hug. I loosen it a bit, and tears finally fall. 

"So you do remember me," she whispers. I nod and gently run my fingers through her soft black hair. She still feels so small. 

"I remember, sweetie. I never forgot you, not even once," I whisper to her. She pulls away and frowns before wiping tears from my face with her delicate hands. 

"Don't cry, Daddy. It'll be okay," she tells me quietly. I sniffle and catch one of her hands in mine. It disappears in my grasp. 

"Are you going to stay," I ask desperately. She nods with a big smile on her face. 

"They weren't gonna let me, but I kept asking. They said I could come live with you when I started growing normal."

I pull her in for another hug, and the other teacher comes over to ask who she is. I tell her that Jaehwa is my daughter and let her figure out whatever explanation she wants to. I let Jaehwa go so I can stand up, and then I pick her up and set her on my hip. When she tells me she's comfy, I walk over to stand in front of the class, and I introduce them to her. She smiles and waves, and when she sits down at a table she glances at me. I nod and smile encouragingly, and she smiles and immediately starts talking to the kids at her table. They think it's really cool that I'm her father. 

I can't wait to introduce her to my friends. I can't wait to see the looks on their faces when they see the little girl they'd all considered lost forever.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on twt @catfacekathryn!!


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